Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
