I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick