He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.