a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit