Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first