happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me