maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love