That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dating After Heartbreak
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.