In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying