Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
