some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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