last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
