Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
