she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
