so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize