i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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