sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
