oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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