sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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