Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
