Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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