When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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