I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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