he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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