You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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