We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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