i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
