woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I didn't notice because vodka
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
