i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
