i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
