i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
