I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
