Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
