Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
