yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
