On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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