you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
