I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're a waste of cheezeits
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
