I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
