my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
