I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
