Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
