guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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