My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
third nipple confirmed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
