You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
