are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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