Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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