By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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