i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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