I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
