Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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