Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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