Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
