If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
