Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
