I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
