Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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