jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
