I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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