I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
