Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
