She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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