who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pants are for mortals
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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