My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
