You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
