so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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