i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
