Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
