Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
